Co-Parenting with a Co-Pilot: How to Raise Happy Kids After Separation

Going through a separation is difficult for everyone involved, but for children, it can be especially confusing and painful.1 The good news is that as a parent, you have the power to help them navigate this change successfully. The key is to shift your mindset from a former couple to a team of co-pilots, working together to raise your children even while living apart.Communication is Key 🗣️Effective communication is the cornerstone of successful co-parenting. This doesn't mean you have to be best friends, but you do need to be partners in your kids' lives.Create a business-like approach. Treat your interactions with your ex like a business partnership where the "business" is your child's well-being. Keep conversations polite, respectful, and focused solely on your children. Avoid bringing up old arguments or emotional baggage.Use the right tools. If face-to-face or phone conversations are too difficult, consider using email, texts, or a co-parenting app to keep a clear record of communication. This can help prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict.Don't use your children as messengers. Never put your kids in the middle by using them to relay information or asking them to choose sides.2 This can cause significant stress and loyalty conflicts for them.3

Consistency is Comforting 🏠

Children thrive on routine and predictability. Establishing consistent rules and schedules between both households provides them with a sense of security and stability.4

• Establish a co-parenting plan. A formal or informal plan outlining schedules, holidays, and financial responsibilities can prevent a lot of headaches.5 It provides a clear roadmap for both parents.

• Align on rules and routines. Try to agree on some core rules, such as bedtimes, homework expectations, and screen time limits. While you don't have to be identical, a general sense of consistency across both homes can make transitions easier for your kids.

Put Your Kids First ❤️

Ultimately, the most important thing you can do is prioritize your children's emotional health above all else. This means being a unified front, even when you disagree.

• Don't badmouth the other parent. Speaking negatively about your ex in front of your children forces them to defend a person they love, which can be damaging to their self-esteem and mental health.6

  
  

• Support their relationship. Encourage and facilitate a healthy relationship between your child and their other parent. Let your kids know that it’s okay and important to love both of you.

Co-parenting isn’t always easy, and there will be bumps in the road. But by working together as co-pilots and keeping your children's happiness at the center of every decision, you can ensure they not only survive the separation but also thrive.